Its been an odd week I guess. I've spent a lot of time being frustrated at a lot of things. Work is a pain some days, the rest of life hasn't been much better. Unfortunately one of my coworkers lost his father this week which is the kind of thing that makes you think about your own life and reflect on the choices you've made and so forth. It also makes you think about enjoying the time you have left with your parents because you never know when you may not have that luxury any longer. In his case this wasn't sudden, but none the less, I'm taking Dad fishing this weekend. You know, just in case.
I've done some reflecting this week about who I am. I do that sometimes because I get bored and sometimes have this honesty streak that forces me to be honest with myself. Its usually not fun, really looking at yourself, I mean REALLY looking at yourself never is. I try to see the goodness thats inside but more often than not I see lots of things I don't like. That should probably tell me something, but then I'm hard headed and don't learn as quickly as I should about things like that. Its hard changing who you are when you've been who you are for a long time. Its hard to see you from other peoples perspectives in order to get a true sense of who you are. Taking off those rose colored glasses is a real bitch. So I'm no sure that I'm real happy with who I am in a lot of ways and I see some things that scare me. One is that Ive been drinking too much. The other is that I'm fat.
This is hard. What I say here can come back to bite me. I actually thought being honest here would be easier than it is. Its not that I'm worried about what anyone will think of me, but putting things on the internet can really bite you in the ass later on. The last thing I need is for some future employer to ask me in an interview why I once posted that I wanted to hump a donkey or whatever. But in order for this to be meaningful, I have to be honest. What a conundrum.