Friday, July 2, 2010

Origins Cont

When I was about 7 or 8 we moved to Oak Ridge, Tn. It was a nice small town and I liked it there over all. I was a chubby kid and that always sucks growing up. But, all in all it wasn't a bad place to grow up. I played football there in middle school and discovered love (unfortunately it didn't discover me). I learned valuable lessons like avoid the kid who catches crawdads, tears their claws off, and puts them in his pants because it feels good. Lessons such as those can never be overrated.

Eventually we had to move again, and I came to Huntsville, Al. We moved here the summer before my freshman year of high school. That pretty much sucked. I spent the summer not knowing anyone and then had to deal with being the new fat kid and a fat freshman. It was a load of fun. It actually didn't turn out too bad, but I don't deal with change well at all, I mean I really freak out about it. This was a change in everything and everyone I knew. All of the rules had been thrown out and I had no idea of what the new rules were. To make matters worse, I didn't know anyone who would help me learn the new rules. So I joined JROTC. For those who dont know, it stands for Junior Reserve Offices Training Corps. Its a military thing, you get uniforms and such. It seemed like a good idea at the time, it sounded fun, and it would be a group of people I could make friends with. The down side was it also guaranteed that you would never kiss a girl that weighed less than 400 pounds and had a mustache. It was fun for a while. I got to shoot guns,which I liked and was good at. I grew up shooting guns and had been doing it since I could hold one. But this got old because it was much in the way of competition. First you wear this straight jacket type device that makes it almost impossible to move. Then you wrap the strap of the rifle around your arms in 15 different ways to ensure that you can't move. At this point hitting the target is easy, its like 5 feet away and you can't freaking move. I seriously don't think I could've missed if I had wanted to. So I grew tired of that and wearing the uniform. You see, wearing that uniform was the most effective girl repellent EVER invented. Let me caveat that by saying that my definition of girl is more than just someone who has a vagina. I'm sure there were any number of ham-beasts and butter trolls that were dying to take my sweet uniformed ass to bed, but I wasn't interested in searching for wet spots in chicks covered in flour. JROTC also had lots of rules about polishing shoes and your haircut and all kinds of ridiculous stuff. I think I've already mentioned that I'm lazy, polishing shoes just wasn't going to happen. So I got lots of demerits. At the end of the year they had promotions, and as you can imagine I didn't get promoted much. That actually didn't bother me because the idea of more responsibility couldn't of appealed to me less. After 2 years of that they made me a sergeant, I think because they had to. I didn't care, I was done. I had realized that my destiny lied elsewhere, atleast the destiny I hoped for. So, after my sophomore year I quit. I didn't really care for authority figures and JROTC was full of asshats who thought that playing army meant they could order me around. Well, it did mean that, but I didn't really agree to that so I left for greener pastures.

By this time I had made other friends, friends who introduced me to things like beer and parties and cigarettes and all kinds of things that were really bad for me but I loved. So I started hanging out at the Circle K.... And that my friends is a whole different post....

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